The sudden breeze -a miracle- moved me from feeling the hate I woke up with to a sense of internal peace that did not last long. At 5:30 a.m., the first emotion felt after a long night full of nightmares was pure, unfocused, without a target or source, hate.
Hate on its own going thru each of my cels, hormones, brain and heart. Hate as a system that get its power from the net it creates using different parts of the organism; an abstract sensation that can, later on, acquire substance and purpose. It did. Two happy twenty year olds, sitting next to me at the pool of the ship on route to Nirvana, USA, were laughing, jumping, hugging each other, screaming, giving hate its reason to be. Had I not been aware of the feeling being larger than a particular person or a given event, I would have engaged in mental games where I drowned and dismembered the two young lovers, but I did not. Instead, I appealed to my inner capacity for love and compassion, until the desires to apply cruelty techniques were blown away, and replaced by pure hate; unpasteurized hate; as if the burning sensation had taken control of the self. Then, the miracle, the breeze came over and blew hate away.
Hate on its own going thru each of my cels, hormones, brain and heart. Hate as a system that get its power from the net it creates using different parts of the organism; an abstract sensation that can, later on, acquire substance and purpose. It did. Two happy twenty year olds, sitting next to me at the pool of the ship on route to Nirvana, USA, were laughing, jumping, hugging each other, screaming, giving hate its reason to be. Had I not been aware of the feeling being larger than a particular person or a given event, I would have engaged in mental games where I drowned and dismembered the two young lovers, but I did not. Instead, I appealed to my inner capacity for love and compassion, until the desires to apply cruelty techniques were blown away, and replaced by pure hate; unpasteurized hate; as if the burning sensation had taken control of the self. Then, the miracle, the breeze came over and blew hate away.
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