DELETES, OLD AGE AND THE NEED TO BE IN TOUCH THRU VIRTUAL SPACE

At his late years in life, most of his gay friend were not longer alive. The last one of his very close ones killed himself. Others had died of Aids related complications, including his roommate who, rather than to continue living in such horrible physical state, killed himself in the apartment they had shared for close to 20 years. He was away when his roommate decided to carry out the act and when called to come back to the apartment, cleaning the place by himself was as painful as a heroic act in a war zone: what happened there could have not been a simple taking of sleeping pills. Though the place felt different, he kept living in there for a few years until retiring from his job, and then moved to a different neighborhood. Decades later he had not gone back to the area where he had once lived. 

Some of his few straight friends moved out of the city. It would have been possible to make new ones or to join a senior citizens support group, but he decided against it. If new friends were to come his way, it had to be a natural process. He met a heterosexual couple that way, but they lived in a different country. There were some people he was in personal contact with, but they were never friends in the manner such relationships are formed and depended upon. Partial blindness did not help, making the city a difficult place to navigate, so he chose the internet to maintain himself connected with others: readings, personal essays and reflections were constantly shared thru one of the servers communication systems. 

Once in a while, a few of his contacts answered him, while others did not respond, or blocked him or asked him not to send so many electronic mails or -he assumed- deleted his messages. At a certain point, he decided not to send them anymore. Since, for a variety of reasons. he had moved out of so many spaces in his life  -his repressive and homophobic and social class-driven hometown; the cheap apartments in neighborhoods where crime and violence were part of the lives of some of his neighbors; and from the progressive and inclusive area were there was too much history, including deaths and suicides-, it was time to move again and abandon another space, this time, virtual space, or, perhaps, only a part of it: stop using the email systems in order to keep in touch with others, and, sometimes, receive love in return.